Rain

Yesterday after chemo, Man felt well enough to drive his eldest to Shoreham (Dex is a wonderful thing!). And as much as I wanted to see inside a airline cockpit simulator, I didn't want to invade father/son time and so I toddled into Canterbury for some me-time. It was ridiculously busy, puddles everywhere and the rain was relentless. After wandering around a couple of clothes shops I conceded that I wouldn't buy any more clothes until I'd lost my holiday (Christmas!) weight. I promptly went and consoled myself with a fat sandwich and coffee 😄

Waiting for my bus home, I joined others under the shelter, with soaking feet and the wind whipping my hair around. Boarding the bus, I had to scramble around in the depths of my bag for the change that the driver was patiently waiting for. A queue of impatient older ladies formed behind me, stating how wet they were getting. All eyes were glaring at me for making their journey home uncomfortable. I suggested to the driver that he serve them before me whilst I looked for my final 20p as moans and complaints about the rain became ever more audible.  Weirdly, he just fixed his eyes on me and gave me a wry smile. He was on my team. As my ticket was finally being printed, I looked back at the queue and thought 'Stop bloody whinging. You can stand, you can walk, you've obviously led a longer life than many and yes, you can feel the rain. Aren't you lucky?'

There's good luck and there's bad luck but mostly luck is shades of grey. Luck, I feel, is how you perceive it.  Something so sad or traumatic will always bring out the best in people, if your eyes are open.  It's unfortunate that our lives now harbour a cancer diagnosis but yesterday Man said "I'm so lucky".

We take our lives for granted until we are faced with not having one or not living the way we'd planned to. Mental strength is not about mind over matter, rather it's being mindful with eyes wide open. Sure, cancer sucks but it also sharpens up the good stuff: friends, time, good food and music, flowers and all that jazz. Hubby now reads actual books (I've never known him to pick one up despite all my keen suggestions) and he savours whole food. He walks when he can and spends quality time with his boys. He's being treated by a top team and we don't have any real money worries just yet.  His blood results are good, he doesn't have any real side effects of chemo yet (well nothing that a little Senna won't sort out!). We live on the doorstep of farmland and woods, a short distance from beautiful beaches and all our boys are healthy. How can we be mad with the world, it's bloody great!

'Staying positive doesn't mean you're happy all the time. It means that even on hard days you know that there are better ones coming'.